Loneliness

If you type into google (a famous internet search website) the phrase, "I am lonely", there are about 140,000 pages that show up. There are a lot of lonely people out there. The first, most popular page in the list is a forum where people discuss digital video. Digital video? What does that have to do with loneliness? Well, about a year ago, someone going by the name Lonely entered a message, "please will anyone speak to about anything to me." (Grammar on the internet isn't so good.) Anyway, other people continue to type, "I am lonely" in internet searches and get to this page and they reply and talk about loneliness. There are 133 pages of discussion so far.

Feeling lonely is part of the human condition. Of course, feeling lonely is different than just being alone. We may choose to be alone, but perhaps we feel we are trapped in loneliness. We have all been lonely at one time or another. When you move and miss your friends from another place, when you're single, when you're a widow. A lot of situations may make us lonely. So, how can we keep loneliness from consuming us?

Examples of loneliness...

Job

To lose your entire family would be such a lonely thing. And to make it worse, to have friends sitting there accusing you of doing something wrong and saying that you probably deserved this would be salt in the wound.

[What did Job do after losing his family?]

Job 1

  20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:
       "Naked I came from my mother's womb,
       and naked I will depart. ^[c]
       The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
       may the name of the LORD be praised."

    22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

[Job does go through a time of terrible mourning and sorrow, but he remains dedicated to God through all of it.]

Paul

Walen recently read to us about Paul being in prison. This barely even seemed to conern him as it would most of us. His main concern was over the churches of Christ and their welfare. We can read all of the letters that Paul wrote to churches while in prison that are so important for us today. I don't know that you could say that Paul was too lonely, but we can certainly learn from what he did instead of getting lonely.

We read about his trial

2 Tim 4

16At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them. 17But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion's mouth. 18The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever.

As Walen talked about, his main concern was not whether he won the court case, but whether those Gentiles might hear the gospel. Furthermore, he obviously trusted in God to work in his life in whatever way God saw fit.

Jesus...our loneliness can be bad, but it can't be worse than his was.

Mat 26

  36Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." 37He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me."

    39Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

    40Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?" he asked Peter. 41"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

[Jesus was facing a terrible time here and he was looking for company from his disciples. Twice more, he asks for their company. In the end, they fall asleep on him and it doesn't seem to work out. Nevertheless, he continues to do what he must do, to face punishment for the sins of the world.]

Later, we read about what happens during the crucifixion.

Mat 27

  41In the same way the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders mocked him. 42"He saved others," they said, "but he can't save himself! He's the King of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him. 43He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, 'I am the Son of God.' " 44In the same way the robbers who were crucified with him also heaped insults on him.

    45 From the sixth hour until the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. 46About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"—which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

[Perhaps we have been ridiculed for being Christians, but never like this. For Jesus to have the very people he wanted to save to treat him like this, he must have felt so alone. But God, the father allows him to carry the sins of the world, although he was innocent. It's probably the most unfair situation that has ever happened. None of our griefs or loneliness can compare to this. Jesus experienced loneliness. We can't say that God doesn't know how we feel or that he doesn't understand our loneliness. And so we can come to the Father, asking for patience and strength in our loneliness. He knows how we feel.]

What can we do?

[Trials, praying for help from God.]

James 1

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Don't allow loneliness to destroy your life. You see people making extremely bad choices because of loneliness. Marrying the wrong person. Sexual immorality.

The single person

1 Thes 4

3 It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; 6and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8 Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.

Paul didn't seem to think being married was some life and death matter as it seems we get into the trap of thinking. In fact, he wrote in

1 Cor 7

1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.

He goes on to talk further about marriage, but it's interesting that he makes this statement. Isn't the whole point of life to marry someone, have a family, and raise them? No, the point of life is to serve God. Our priorities are often wrong regarding this.

The unmarried person can devote more time to God, which is always a good thing. Married people spend a lot of time tending to their families, trying to make their spouses happy, trying to make up to their spouses after they've made them unhappy, taking care of their kids, and so on. Often, only after we're married, do we realize the value of that time when we were single. Not that there is any regret in this. It's just that you realize the value of time when you're so busy. And this brings up one thing we can do when we're busy. Be busy doing things for God and for others. It's often in times of idleness that people are most lonely.

I know in my own life, one problem I had was that I didn't assume my half of the responsibility in not being lonely. Perhaps I just felt that others would come to me. This doesn't really work. We have to be willing to do all the reaching out if that's what's required. The bible talks about helping others, expecting nothing in return. Not only will you help others, but you'll help yourself.

Widows

1 Tim 5

5The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.

If widows have problems with loneliness, this says they ought to put their hope in God. This seems to be a pattern in the things we're reading here.

We are not alone in Christ

[Jesus is the vine and we are the branches.]

John 15

5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

Contrary to what we may feel sometimes in our lives, the worst kind of loneliness is to be apart from Christ. It's not to know Christ is there to save us or not to believe it. But, for those of us who are Christians, it's should be a great relief.

Realize that none of us are truly alone. We are the children of God.

Rom 14

7For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. 8If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

David wrote a psalm about his feelings when everyone seemed to be against him.

Psalm 27

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—

whom shall I fear?

The LORD is the stronghold of my life—

of whom shall I be afraid?

2 When evil men advance against me

to devour my flesh,

when my enemies and my foes attack me,

they will stumble and fall.

3 Though an army besiege me,

my heart will not fear;

though war break out against me,

even then will I be confident.

4 One thing I ask of the LORD,

this is what I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the LORD

all the days of my life,

to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD

and to seek him in his temple.

5 For in the day of trouble

he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle

and set me high upon a rock.

6 Then my head will be exalted

above the enemies who surround me;

at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;

I will sing and make music to the LORD.

7 Hear my voice when I call, O LORD;

be merciful to me and answer me.

8 My heart says of you, "Seek his face!"

Your face, LORD, I will seek.

9 Do not hide your face from me,

do not turn your servant away in anger;

you have been my helper.

Do not reject me or forsake me,

O God my Savior.

10 Though my father and mother forsake me,

the LORD will receive me.

11 Teach me your way, O LORD;

lead me in a straight path

because of my oppressors.

12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,

for false witnesses rise up against me,

breathing out violence.

13 I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the LORD

in the land of the living.

14 Wait for the LORD;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the LORD.

We've talked about examples of loneliness in the bible...about Job after losing his family, Paul in prison, and Jesus around the time of the crucifixion. Their highest priority in these times was to serve God. We talked about how to deal with loneliness in specific situations. Again, it's this idea of making God our highest priority. We mentioned the idea of staying busy. All Christians find that their priorities are something they need to continually work on. We are never truly alone if we have Christ in our lives.

I know that loneliness is no trivial thing and that it can be painful and difficult to deal with. Lord willing, these words of scripture can help us in those times.

I think this is well summed up in something my great grampa told us about. His mother had died when he was very young. When he was a child, and feeling lonely, his dad would hold him and say something like, "God is in the heavens, and everything is alright."